


Sophie & Sackler: Recovery

by MarieSackler



Series: Sophie and Sackler [5]
Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Girls (TV), Girls HBO, adam sackler - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Love, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Sappy, Sweet, struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25189198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieSackler/pseuds/MarieSackler
Summary: Sophie and Sackler both deal with the aftermath of their fight.Will they be able to come back together and make things work?Chapter Five
Series: Sophie and Sackler [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793971
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Sophie & Sackler: Recovery

Sam sat cross-legged across from me on my apartment floor; she had been sitting there with me for the last two hours. She was a real soldier. I had been crying for about 24hrs; ever since Adam left the night before. I hadn’t spoken to him; he hadn’t tried to reach me. 

It was over; surely it had to be. The pain in my head and chest radiated over my entire body for hours until I was left with this profound exhaustion and emptiness. The tears had stopped but the rapid cycling of guilt, sadness, and rage was in full swing. 

“I really think you should go see him.” Sam said again for the third time. 

I shook my head fiercely and wrapped myself tighter into my pillow. Sam rubbed her face and sighed. She was also over my shit but she had more time invested in my chaos; she was trapped.

“Sophie, people fight sometimes and sometimes it goes too far. This is one of those times.” 

I glanced at the time on the microwave; 10:25 pm. It was Saturday night; I knew that Sam wanted to be anywhere else but here right now. 

“You should take off for the night. I think I am going to sleep.” 

I started to stand but my legs were numb so I tilted back, falling on my ass. 

Sam blurted out a laugh and covered her mouth quickly; I laughed too. She stood and took me by the hands; pulling me up into an embrace. She patted my hair as she rocked me in a hug. After a few minutes of my painful crying, she leaned me back and spoke sternly. 

“Go the fuck over there Sophie. Adam is insane about you. I am sure he is hurting too and doesn’t want to do anything to upset you. He probably thinks you need space.” 

I bit the bottom of my lip; the idea of Adam hurting made it worse. Sam kissed my forehead and started to get her things together. 

“Call me tomorrow. You need to get out of this apartment; we can get coffee.” She walked to the door, yelling at me as she left. “At least call him.” 

I paced in front of my bed. I wanted to call him. I wanted to tell him to come over. But why? Why should I? Why should I continue to torture him? I wouldn’t allow him to ruin his life over me. We hadn’t even been together for that long. He would easily move on and hopefully to someone who would make his life easier, happier. 

Why would I want to put myself through this more? Sackler wasn’t even supposed to be anything more than a fuck buddy! But he wore me down with always being around; hanging out with me, kissing me. I was in disbelief that tears were rolling off my face; I didn’t think that there was anything left inside. 

\- - - - -

My phone chimed me out of deep sleep. I had missed multiple calls from Sam and surprisingly a few texts from Anne. It was 4:40 pm. I had slept the entire day. There were no calls or texts from Adam. Rolling out of bed, I scrambled to the kitchen. The refrigerator was empty. Adam had been here all week and had helped finish off most of the groceries. I didn’t want to think of him. I didn’t want to think at all. 

Deciding it was best to shower; I stepped into the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Eyes bloodshot, hair matted, black bags under eyes; I was a fucking vision. I showered until the hot water ran out; wrapping myself in a towel, I planted myself on the couch. 

Despite all the sleep, my body was empty. My brain could pack a punch on a normal day but this kind of anxiety, this was the kind of hurt that you couldn’t reach; a flurry of emotions that never stop encompassing you. I couldn’t cry anymore. I had to see him. It couldn’t be like this; I wouldn’t let it end like this. If he wanted to cut and run, I wouldn’t blame him and I would let him go. I might encourage it.

I hesitated before knocking on the door; unsure if Sackler would even be home. I knocked and listened. I heard nothing but the neighbor’s television. One more knock and then I would go. I heard shuffling as I ended my second knock and a muffled ‘What!’. 

Adam stood before me, glistening with sweat; his hair matted against his forehead. As he realized that I was the one at the door; his grimace melted, his eyes red and listless. 

“You shouldn’t be here right now, kid.” He slid his hands on the doorframe; shutting it slightly. 

It felt like I had just hit cement; there was no air in my lungs. I stood there silently, staring at him, hoping that he would say more. Adam closed his eyes and leaned against the doorframe.

“Don’t give me that fucking look right now.” He murmured. 

Nodding; I turned and started down the hallway; Adam stumbled out after me.

“Get back here! Come in!” Adam’s voice horse, words stammered. I turned not because of the request but because of the tone. 

Following him into the apartment and looking around I realized that the place was a wreck. Framed art shattered on the floor, a variety of books littered the living-room and near the couch; empty beer bottles. Swallowing, I realized what scene I just had walked into; Adam had broken his sobriety. I watched as he slumped at the table, holding his head in his hands.

“Sophie, I can’t do this right now.” His voice strained. 

I walked closer; he was visibly shaking. Instinctively, I placed my hand on his shoulder. He winced, then quickly seized my hand, turning his face into my palm; his breathing intensified. Carefully, I cupped the other side of his face and kneeled down to the floor. Seeing his face stung; he was crying. Dropping onto the floor, he wrapped his arms around me; sinking his face in my chest. Stroking his back, I kissed the top of his head; I heard him murmur into my shirt.

“I fucked up.” 

Gingerly, I pulled his face to mine. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” I whispered. His face was strained and damp; I tenderly stroked his cheeks with my thumbs.

“I feel like I’ve been hit by a fucking bus.” He whimpered, nudging his head under my chin, and wrapping his body against mine. I looked back over to the empty bottles; beer and what resembled a pint of Vodka. I grazed my fingers through his hair. 

“Fuck! Shit!” He jumped up and stumbled to the bathroom; the door banged and I heard him retching. I walked through the living room, trying to avoid glass as I picked up the remnants of his bender. The apartment reeked of alcohol and sweat. I walked over and pushed open the window; grateful for the breeze that swept through. 

I gave Adam a few more minutes before I tapped on the bathroom door and listened. I could hear his labored breathing but his puking had stopped. Gradually, I opened the door; Adam was curled around the toilet; pale-faced. Telling him I would be back, I found a towel. I ran it through the kitchen sink before returning to Adam. Luckily, he had flushed the toilet. 

“Sit up.” I said whispering and crouching down on my knees; weakly he sat up and leaned against the toilet bowl. I lightly wiped his face and mouth and pushed back his hair; his eyes were glassy.

“I love you.” Adam breathed as he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I love you.” Biting my lower lip to keep from falling apart; I stood and walked from the bathroom. 

“I am going to go down to the mart; pick up some ibuprofen, Pedialyte, maybe some crackers.” 

“Pedialyte? What the fuck?” He groaned as he leaned into the toilet bowl. I turned and grabbed my bag from the floor.

“Kid!” Adam yelled from the bathroom. I turned and saw him lying halfway out of the bathroom.

“You’re coming back?” He questioned wearily; I responded with a quiet nod. He gave a faint smile in return.

“Okay, good.” Dipping back into the bathroom, he shut the door.

\- - - - -

We were entwined in a sea of sheets. I could feel Adam’s breathing against my skin as he slept soundly crushed to my breasts. We had made it past the point of vomiting. I had spent the night and early morning stroking his sweaty forehead as he alternated between the shower, toilet, and couch. I kept him hydrated as he expelled all the alcohol in his system. There was very little talking; mostly soothing words from me as I encouraged him to sleep. 

I wasn’t sure what would be said when there was talking. I had made up my mind that he was going to California without me; I just wasn’t sure how he would accept this. I didn’t want to be apart from him for two months but he couldn’t be my caretaker; I needed to get myself together and I couldn’t with Adam always rescuing me. Adam started to toss and fidget; he lifted his head and looked up at me.

“Hey.” He hummed sleepily. I stroked his head in response; he turned and kissed my palm. Adam untangled himself and shimmied up higher in bed, his face now level with mine; his eyes soft and glassy.

“Thanks, Kid. I --” He started to swallow hard. I felt my own tears welling; I ran my fingers through his hair. 

“It’s fine.” I whispered.

Adam grabbed my waist and tugged me closer; his nose brushing mine. 

“I just lost it. I was afraid that I had fucking lost you. Like--.” He paused and choked on his words.

“Like, I had lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Adam’s nostrils flared as he started rubbing his hand up and down my back. I felt my chest open up and tears rush out. Adam immediately started to brush his lips against my face. 

“I love you so much but you can’t be my caretaker.” I stammered in between my sobs. Adam stopped and cupped my cheek.

“Fuck that! I am always going to take care of you.” Tears running down his face; shaking his head. “That’s what you do when you love someone! You take care of each other.” He continued. “So don’t ask me not to do that.” 

I exhaled and tried to steady myself; I was not going to break down; I couldn’t.

“Adam, that’s not what I meant. I mean I need to get myself put back together. You can’t be the only thing that keeps me standing at the end of the day. I need to learn to take care of myself better; without using you as a crutch.”

Adam’s bottom lip trembled as he spoke. “I am not letting you leave me, Sophie.” 

I shook my head and pressed my forehead to his as I whispered to him. “No, no. I just need you to go to California and finish your film. I will stay here, getting myself better; on my own.” 

Adam started to pull back but I held him to me. “So, you want me to fuck off to California?” The anger and pain started to mix in his face as he spoke.

I put my hand gently over his mouth; stopping him from going on. “No, I want you to come back to me. I want you to come back to a better version of me; preferably a stronger, less broken one.” 

He moved his hand from me, climbing out of bed and out into the bedroom. I heard some faint slams before he marched back into the room.

“I love you, Sophie! You! The woman right here in front of me. I don’t need a different version of you!” His voice rising with each word, his hands twitching at his sides. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest.

“You aren’t listening to me, Sackler. I am telling you, I need to do this for me. I want to do it for us but mostly for me.” I faltered but continued. “I still need you to come back to me. I just want both of us to be happy individually, not just happy together. You deserve to go off and get your film made and I deserve to be happy; to be happy with myself. I am tired of being messy all the time; wanting to jump out of my skin and head. I am tired of feeling fucking broken all the time. I don’t want you to be here because I need you to save me, I want you to be here because I love you.” I started to sob. 

Adam climbed on the bed and pulled me to him. He cradled me against him as he slid into a seated position.

“Okay.” He paused. “We’ll make it work.” He rubbed my back and pressed his lips to my hair. I melted against him. 

“You’re fucking stuck with me.” He said his voice full of emotion. 

“Good.” I murmured softly, closing my eyes and listening to the sound of his breathing.

\-- - - - - - -

I was engulfed in Adam Sackler’s arms and chest as we stood in the middle of LaGuardia Airport. He was off to California.

“I fucking hate ‘face shit’ or whatever.” He mumbled into my hair. 

“ Facetime and I know but it’s not forever.” I squeezed him hard; swallowing down the knot in my throat. He had to get on the plane and without me following. 

“I am gonna fucking miss you, kid.” He pulled me from his chest, smashing his mouth to mine. I felt him pour all of his emotions into that kiss. I pushed gently against him; knowing full well that we could have gone on like this to the point of fucking in a bathroom stall. We had already spent the prior night, breathless and naked; trying to burn the memory of the other one in our brains.

“Okay, Sackler. It’s time to go.” I said, forcing myself to smile. He stared at me, rubbing his thumb over the side of my face.

“I am not dying. Go!” He smirked softly and pulled me in another hug. 

“I love you the fucking most.” He breathed.

“I love you.” 

I took one big inhale of him; he always smelled of soap. He let go of me and walked towards the security line; not looking back.


End file.
